if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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