I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
