fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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