There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
