I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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