I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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