Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
and she was petting her beer can
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
