forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
