i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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