i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
