Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
