video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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