Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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