I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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