yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
