Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
