Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
two words: eviction party
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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