and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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