i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
