dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
