He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
