Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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