I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
