Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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