i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I love having hate sex.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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