she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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