Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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