she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
we're so committed to being not committed
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
