My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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