Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
