it was like eating out sand paper
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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