Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
