can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
