What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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