I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just invented taco cereal.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
