I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
