yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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