Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
