while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
