we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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