i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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