Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
