take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
