I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
