margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
