That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
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I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
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I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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