too bad you live with your parents still
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
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Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
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You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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