I'm gonna have a badass scar
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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