so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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