i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
