mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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