I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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