sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
