I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
