Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
