Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
