literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize