Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize