He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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