Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
