Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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