a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
