just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
