Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
