I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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