i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
