WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
