I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
