i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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