Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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