why didn't you poke me back
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
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I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
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I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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