we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
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We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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