i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
