Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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